Often as much as any other challenge in life, the relationships we find ourselves in test us to the limit...


We all know the kind of relationships where we are thrown together with someone who seems destined to oppose us, to complicate our lives, to have a negative or challenging attitude towards us. It seems it would be wonderful to be able to step away from the person and the apparently negative energy they bring into our lives and have nothing more to do with them, but it is never that simple.

There would seem to be little doubt that finding ourselves involved with someone from whom we cannot escape is a cruel trick of an inflexible destiny, so we might console ourselves with the thought that it might be karma - punishment for some misdeed in a past life, we joke - but the energies behind the relationship are probably deeply complex and have much to reveal.

The issue of relationships goes deeper; what about the relationship between yourself and someone who bullied you as a child? Or someone who robs your house? ...or someone who assaults you, or even kills you?

At the outset of considering relationships, it is important to realise that just as there are no such things as good or bad Astrological combinations, there are, in fact, no things or events in the universe that are either good or evil. The one is the reflection of the other, and both are simply opposing sides of the same coin. Furthermore, in common with Astrology, events can be at least as symbolic as planetary configurations. Whatever is happening is your fated relationship is bringing you the most intense and focussed experience of incarnate learning, and it can be really difficult to see past the events themselves and on to what they mean.

Perhaps the strongest lesson of a fated relationship is to avoid defining yourself in terms of what you experience. If you are wronged, you do not deserve it, if you are slandered, what is said is not true about you, so you must not collapse yourself into believing that the treatment you get is what you deserve - you are more than that. But you might need a little help in detaching yourself from the intensity of the situation and seeing it for what it is, and what is really going on.

Once you can be objective about your personal experiences, you can apply wisdom to the relationship. Many questions need to be asked, including "Why do I feel the way I do about this person?", and "Is it right to allow this person to control how I feel about myself?". There are unlikely to be cut-and-dried answers, as complex issues will arise about your sense of self and your relationship to all people, not just the ones who trouble you.

Kendo Nagasaki's Meditation on Fated Relationships will help you to be detached and dispassionate about the challenges you face in relationships, and will also empower you - the boot will be on the other foot, as you will be able to apply reason to a person who may seem to be seeking the opposite: by angering or frustrating you, they successfully disempower you and turn you against yourself. The relationship may indeed be fated and unavoidable, but your wisdom and control over how it affects you can lie in your own hands, once you have been shown how.